Link is having an Odd Day
by charmeuse
Summary: First fanfic. Supposedly Link's first adventure; who knows what will happen? Please R&R.


Disclaimer: Of course I own Link...and I make him do various activities that we shall refer to as "normal chores that everybody does, of course" every day.... bwahahaha just kidding I bow down to the supreme Nintendo in this matter  
  
One fairly average morning, we'll assume it's a Monday because that's the day I tend to wake up gasping from nightmares too horrific to describe, Link woke up. Quite an exciting occurrence, really, as this does not happen every day. Though I must admit, Link seems to have an unfair advantage over the rest of us, as he has an alarm clock that actually won't give up till he wakes up. (Continuously yelling HEY! HELLO! LISTEN! Can anyone imagine how annoying that would be? Why hasn't Link committed suicide yet?)

On this particular Monday morning, a little slightly tipsy blue light came racing into Link's little tree house, with a little black boxy-shaped thing with a clear lens following it. No, wait; never mind, there never was a box and never will be. There's no electricity in Hyrule or any of its surroundings. There's also no such thing as a video camera. Duh.

So; one morning Link woke up, blah blah blah, and some drunken fairy who allegedly claimed her name was Navi bullied him into following her to some power-hungry tree who wanted him to perform some menial tasks. For some odd reason that we shall never know the entirety of, he agreed. Go figure, some people are just pushovers.

He and Navi, who demanded that he refer to her only as "The Almighty One" (and he had to say "the", never merely "Almighty One"), set out to get to this tree. Although he had to put his color contacts in first- no one really has eyes THAT shade of blue.

As soon as they got out the door, lights flashed before Link's eyes and the little black box swirled around him again- nope, it's gone. Then a young lady, around Link's age (**A/N**: which I estimate to be approximately 9 years old thanx Katie lol), came running up and hollered "Yahoo! Hey, Link!" Link turned away for a second and Navi asked him what was wrong, why wasn't he already at the Deku Tree, he was such a lazy slob, why didn't he do anything she said? WHY WOULDN'T HE ANSWER HER?!?!

The reason, of course, for why Link had turned away from the green haired chica (Spanish is Hyrule's second language) was the fact that Saria had been hanging onto him for years now, trying to catch him alone- which wasn't hard, she just locked her fairy up inside her house and Link hadn't had a fairy till that fateful Monday. Fortunately, Link could confuse her fairly easily by running in circles around her very fast.

Anyway, there was no way of escaping her that day; so he headed down the ladder vveeerrrrryyyy slowly, until he was facing Saria. Navi started yelling about the Deku Tree again for a few seconds, and then a random swirling blue arrow appeared above Saria's head. Wait- what? Link must still be seeing things.

Saria started screaming about his fairy (with a somewhat disappointed note in her voice; it would be harder than ever to catch that sexy beast alone). She very sarcastically exclaimed something about there FINALLY being a fairy brave enough to go to Link. "Wow! That's great news! I'm SO happy for you!" as tears rolled down her cheeks, causing her make up to run so that she had black streaks slithering down.

Somehow, although Link didn't speak a word to her, she knew exactly where he was going and why. She had always considered Link to be one of the slower ones in the village, and therefore she thought it prudent to tell him all about his visit to the Great Deku Tree. Although he was pretty certain he knew most of it already, he didn't interrupt her in fear that she would try and trap him again.

Oddly enough, in between her statements there were very random pauses, which sometimes seemed to last for hours and at other times it seemed like she actually sped up throughout her sentence, garbling some of the words together. There were also little bell sounds after each sentence that Link wasn't sure he'd actually heard. As soon as she was done speaking he ran away very fast, doing a few diving rolls to go even faster. Thank God she didn't follow him; he didn't feel up to being chased around the tree village.

He wandered around for a bit, walking up to people and staying right in their faces until they felt obliged to say something, anything, to get him to move on. One girl made some outrageous claim about the Deku Tree being the father of every child in the village; either the tree had been very busy, and Saria's interest was even worse than gross, it was incest, or the little girl needed to take a nice long nap.

He moved along, finding 3 stepping blocks in a tiny pond of water that he jumped across, finding a pretty blue jewel halfway across that for some reason made him very happy; he'd never had anything like it before, in all of his 9 years here. (**A/N**: why hasn't anyone ever wondered why Link never, not once, found any Rupees until the day someone bought the game and ran into some bushes? Was he some sort of wuss before, who never wandered into the bushes or went swimming or running or climbing? And in that case, why was he chosen as the Hero of Time?)

Another of the odd children was sitting on the top of a tree, and called down to him. "Hey, Link! Look up here! Look over here with Z, and talk to me with A." Navi quickly raced up to her and whispered in her ear; the girl blushed and said loudly, "I MEAN, uh, talk to me... with your... mouth...?" Luckily, Link was getting more used to these odd people, so he disregarded what she said the first time and looked up at her; but of course he didn't speak, so she just kind of babbled for a few more minutes, once more throwing some stuff in there about Z's...

He went off towards a nearby house, where he read a sign that said "The House of Twins". He was ecstatic! He ran inside, where he looked around really quickly, until his eyes rested upon a joyous vision of a beautiful young girl... He quickly walked up to her until she spoke to him, saying that her twin (Link thought to himself, "Identical twins! I finally understand...") was at some store with more of the pretty jewels. He was badly disappointed to learn that it would be hard to get them both at the same place at the same time... He threw some of the pots in the house at the walls, breaking them and once more finding Rupees.

He walked over to another house, that happened to be psycho chica's, and found a young boy with too much hair trying to pull a very lightweight plant out of the ground and failing utterly. The boy told him about one of Link's neighbors, Mido, who was forcing him to do this. Link knew that Mido was a scrawny little fellow who was very popular with all of his neighbors, so he was quite suspicious until he realized that the boy was actually doing it because he had been trying to get Saria in bed with him for years (the Kokiri children grow up very fast).

Link went into the house, where he found some very disturbing things- for one, there were hearts all over the floor- Link had a feeling that he didn't want to know where they came from. There was no furniture, not even a bed; he had always known that Saria was very free with her body, but he had never quite realized that she didn't ever sleep in her own bed... Eventually, Navi yelled at him one time too many and he finally set off for the Deku Tree.

Hmm that got boring a lot faster than I would have predicted. Please review but you probably shouldn't expect an update.


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